I’ve seen this movie three times now. Once in theaters where I actually started to fall asleep (a first). Once after it was put on HBO Now to see if I missed anything redeeming. And once to write this.
Who’s wanted to see Batman and Superman fight each other? What’s that? Everyone born after 1939? What a letdown!
There is a lot wrong with this movie. There’s the stitched together story, the forced cameos from the future Justice League (save Wonder Woman), Batman the Bullet Farmer, Superman not growing from his experiences in Man of Steel, lack of color, and the most painful Lex Luthor portrayal I’ve seen in a movie. Also, kryptonite. I am so sick of kryptonite. Use your imaginations to find other ways to fight Superman!
The sad thing is that I can forgive all of that because of the good elements.
Aside from his willingness to kill, Affleck’s portrayal of Batman is excellent and would be one of my favorites if not for that one element. The first 20 minutes with his witnessing the battle of Metropolis is one of the best setups for a superhero movie.
Wonder Woman, though little more than a cameo, was enough to make me excited for her eponymous movie which just came out. All of her scenes were handled well.
Jeremy Irons’ dry wit as Alfred was quite enjoyable. After all this time it was nice to see him finally get to use the Batcomputer and expand his role.
Most of the rest of the movie is just “meh”. Ironically, the worst scene in the movie is the same, and the part that kills the rest of it beyond hope of resurrection in its running time.
The fight between Batman and Superman is BORING. It was tedious to watch, and I’m flabbergasted by anyone who found it exciting. The action was very slow, with long pauses between punches that made me expect that they were going to give a speech each time they made a fist. Instead of focusing on the action, a lot of the shots are their reactions during the fight. Additionally, the dialogue taken from The Dark Knight Returns seemed clunky and out of place; it didn’t work in the context of the fight or Batman and Superman’s relationship up to that point.
Enough people have brought up the whole “Martha” conclusion to the fight. It’s stupid but not what I want to discuss so let’s move on.
This movie had ONE thing to get right. ONE. The fight between Batman and Superman had to be epic. Grabbing the edge of your seat while cheering and occasionally bringing a hand up to cover your dropped jaw epic. We’ve all wanted to see this fight in a big-budget live-action movie for almost 80 years, and it’s barely passable for a standard action movie.
I could forgive every single other problem in this movie, even the whole “Martha” thing, if the fight was burned into my memory for the rest of my life. It was not, and possibly the most easily marketable movie of all time was an unforgivable disappointment.
Rating: 1/5 ★
There are good parts here and you can watch it without wanting to burn your own eyes out, but its biggest blunder negates everything else.
I’ll be writing about the other movies from the DCEU for my next few posts, but they badly needed a woman’s touch.